Dear Coleen
I tied the knot with my beloved partner 14 months ago. Although the wedding day was eventually beautiful, the lead-up to it was incredibly stressful and has severely damaged my relationship with my spouse’s family.
They generously covered most of the wedding expenses, but that decision backfired as once we accepted their financial support, they began to dictate and control almost every aspect of the event.
In particular, my husband’s mother and his three sisters behaved terribly, leading to heated arguments due to the overwhelming pressure we faced.
Every choice I made was scrutinized, and hurtful comments about my decisions were made behind my back.
In the end, I organized a small and intimate hen party with my best friend, excluding my husband’s mother and sisters. It was a more personal and fitting celebration for me compared to the extravagant weekend in Ibiza proposed by my sisters-in-law.
As a result, his sisters have distanced themselves from me, and my mother-in-law often excludes us from family gatherings, displaying petty behavior.
Despite my husband’s firm stance against his family’s bullying tactics, he maintains contact with them since we live nearby. I am unsure about how to proceed – should I forgive and forget their mistreatment?
I have not received an apology from them, and I seek your perspective on this matter.
Coleen’s Response
Unfortunately, weddings often become battlegrounds where family members, feeling entitled due to financial contributions, push for their preferences, causing unnecessary conflicts that detract from the true essence of the occasion.
On a positive note, you are now married to your beloved, and it seems like your husband is reasonable in handling his family dynamics. Ultimately, your relationship with your husband is what truly matters, and his family’s impact on your daily life may be minimal.
However, harboring negative feelings is not conducive to your well-being. It might be beneficial to address your concerns directly by having a conversation with his mother or the sister you have the least conflict with.
Alternatively, consider writing a letter expressing your emotions and desire for a positive way forward. This approach could prompt introspection and possibly lead to an apology from them. Focus on enjoying this special phase of your married life after resolving these issues.
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