When Paul Furness stood by his wife, Nicola Furness, during her battle with breast cancer and subsequent double mastectomy a decade ago, they thought they had overcome their greatest challenge. Unfortunately, a more daunting one emerged, one that Paul refers to as “the battle they won’t conquer.”
Nicola received a diagnosis of Young Onset Alzheimer’s two years ago in July 2023, at the age of 56. In an effort to raise awareness, Paul shared candid insights exclusively with the Mirror about the reality of life as a husband-turned-caregiver.
Living in Beverly, East Yorkshire, Paul first noticed signs of Nicola’s memory lapses and disorientation in 2019, starting with minor incidents. “She’d prepare a cup of tea but forget to add the tea bag before leaving it,” he recalled. “She’d ask me the same questions repeatedly, and once, she drove past our street where we’ve resided for 25 years.”
Paul also recounted instances where Nicola would turn on the gas without lighting it while cooking, struggle with a new computer system at work, and become overwhelmed by everyday tasks like shopping. He shared a concerning incident where Nicola drove to a friend’s party, falsely claiming Paul had dropped her off, leading to police intervention due to her confusion.
In addition to coping with Nicola’s loss of basic skills like cooking and cleaning, Paul highlighted the often overlooked challenge of managing her hygiene needs. “I have to assist with her showering routine as she might enter the shower fully clothed. I must guide her on using shower products and dressing, brushing her teeth, and tying her shoelaces,” he explained.
Despite being just 58 years old, Nicola has lost awareness of her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, making daily tasks a struggle. Paul, who works as an operational manager in debt management, has transitioned to part-time work to provide full-time care for Nicola, balancing financial constraints with his daughter’s drama school expenses.
Paul emphasized the importance of obtaining a formal diagnosis for Nicola, enabling her to retire due to ill health, ensuring financial stability despite the emotional toll of the process. He described the challenges of witnessing her decline and implementing measures to safeguard her well-being.
As Nicola’s primary caregiver, Paul faces increasing limitations on social activities, including giving up his passion for football matches and alcohol consumption. Running remains his solace, providing a temporary escape and an opportunity to connect with others beyond the realm of Alzheimer’s.
While Paul cherishes moments of joy, like Nicola’s animated response to music, he also acknowledges the loneliness and emotional toll of witnessing her gradual deterioration. Despite the hardships, he remains resilient, advocating for dementia awareness and cherishing the glimpses of the woman Nicola once was.
Reflecting on the future, Paul acknowledges the emotional strain of witnessing Nicola’s decline and the importance of finding moments of happiness amidst the challenges. He remains committed to supporting his daughters and navigating life as a caregiver with grace and determination.
For those affected by dementia, organizations like the Alzheimer’s Society offer essential support and resources. Paul’s journey serves as a poignant reminder of the complexities of caregiving and the resilience required to navigate the uncertainties of life in the face of adversity.