Dear Coleen,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for approximately four months, and both of us have recently completed our second year at the same university. Our relationship was going smoothly until I spent a week at his childhood home with his old school friends who were also visiting for the holidays.
While I got along well with everyone, there was one girl who displayed rudeness towards me. She acted cold, distant, and made snide comments in response to my conversations. I felt embarrassed and surprised by her animosity towards me, as I have never encountered such behavior before.
It later came to light that this girl had been involved with my boyfriend intimately until he committed to me. They had maintained a casual “friends with benefits” arrangement over the past few years, meeting up during breaks from university.
My boyfriend assured me that their relationship was solely physical and not romantic or serious. He expressed disbelief that she was interested in him, considering her attractiveness and the number of suitors she typically has pursuing her.
Despite his reassurances, I find it hard to trust her and believe that my boyfriend may be naive about her intentions. She continues to contact him frequently, and I suspect she desires a more meaningful relationship with him, though he seems oblivious to this. Any advice on how to handle this situation?
Coleen says,
Navigating a new relationship involves understanding each other better, so it’s understandable that this revelation has unsettled you. You might be questioning the extent of the threat posed by this girl and the nature of their past relationship.
However, have confidence in the fact that he is with you, has introduced you to his family and friends, indicating your importance to him. People do not take these steps lightly if they are not serious about a relationship.
He seems eager to showcase you and integrate you into his social circle. While the other girl may harbor jealousy or deeper feelings, remember that her behavior should not overshadow your relationship.
If you encounter her again and she behaves rudely, assert yourself and address her behavior. Chances are she will reconsider her approach towards you in the future.